Why I WON’T stop yelling at my kids

A raw, emotional look into my life as a mother and what I have learned about yelling.

I am flipping tired, and I am mad.

I yelled at my kids today.

If I am being honest, I yell at my kids EVERYDAY.  

If I am being MORE honest, I scream at my kids until my face turns red.

My husband and kids have started teasing me. They call me the Hulk.

“Watch out! She is going to Hulk!” My husband giggles from the living room couch.

You know what that makes me do?

It makes me yell.

Not even my husband is immune.

Lately the tiniest little thing is enough to get me growling like a rabid dog.

I HATE it.

I want to stop.

 

 

 I have been soul searching lately. I have probably read every Pinterest article about

yelling. I have been beating myself up till i am black and blue on the inside. I must be a

terrible mother. You are not supposed to yell at your precious, little, babies.

So I asked myself…

Why do I yell?

Do I yell because I am tired?

 

 

I am so tired.

I am up all night with my babies.

It seems like they take shifts.

Not even ONE of my children sleeps through the night.

I have three of them.

I haven’t slept through the night since 2010. 

Every night is the same story, someone is scared, someone has to pee, some one wants to snuggle, someone needs a drink.

(Why in the heck are kids so dang thirsty at night?)

 The story always ends the same.

My husband, our three kids and I sleeping in the same bed.

(This is karma in full effect! I always swore I would NEVER co-sleep.)

If I had a freaking nickle for every time I have been woken up by getting headbutted in the nose, I would have enough money to pay for reconstructive surgery!

On a good night, I end up with no blanket or pillow, on the edge of the bed!

Whatever though, cool moms don’t sleep.

I AM TIRED. 

 

But that is not why I yell.

I already know our sleep-over days are numbered. So, I cherish these nights where I get to rest my hand on a warm, chubby, baby belly. I will terribly miss snuggling up to my babies and smelling their freshly shampooed heads. There simply is no better smell in the world.

 

 

Maybe I yell because the little a-holes wake up early and jump on my head and destroy things until I finally wake up and cook breakfast.

I hate mornings.

But that is not why I yell.

 

 

Maybe I yell because I am hungry?

I need to go to the grocery store, but the baby is napping. So, I cook some nuggets. There isn’t enough nuggets for me. So, I rummage through the house to find something edible. I settle on an apple. After you ate your nuggets you were still hungry.  You wanted my apple. I gave you my apple. You took one bite then discretely dropped it on the floor. Now it is browning and covered in dirt and boogers. 

I AM HUNGRY.

That’s not why I yell though.

 

 

Maybe I yell because I am thirsty?

I am so thirsty. 

Every time I get myself a drink, somebody wants it. Only mom’s water will do. Then you spill it. Then you cry. Then we have to change your outfit… again. Later in the day I get myself another drink of water, somebody wants it. Only mom’s water will do. So I give you a sip. You happily return it. Oh look, you gave me a gift. A boogery, little, floatie in my perfect, ice cold, beverage. Thanks a bunch you little turd.

 

 

I AM THIRSTY.

But that’s not why I yell.

Maybe I yell because I am so sick of cleaning?

I have cleaned for five hours straight and you would never know.

The piles of laundry never end and the sink is always full of dirty dishes.

I AM SICK OF CLEANING.

 

 

But that is not why I yell.

 

Someday soon I will no longer have cupboards full of colorful, Ikea plastic plates and spoons.

Someday soon, I won’t have to microwave frozen nuggets shaped like dinosaurs.

I can tell you right now, I am going to miss this.

Some day soon my house will be clean, and quiet,

AND LONELY.

 

 

Maybe I yell because I have told you the same thing eight billion times and you still

aren’t listening?!?!

 

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY.

GET YOUR SHOES ON BEFORE I BEAT YOU WITH THEM!!!

 

Sometimes yelling is the only way to be heard over all the commotion.

But that’s not why I yell…..

  

I yell because I freaking LOVE you.

 

 

I love you.

YOU ARE LITERALLY THE MOST PRECIOUS THINGS TO ME IN THE ENTIRE GALAXY!

I refuse to sit idly by as you lie, steal, or strangle your brother.

So I yell.

I refuse to let my children turn into loser adults with no respect or discipline.

So I yell.

I refuse to let this moment go until you have learned your lesson.

So I yell.

I refuse to let you turn our home into a garbage dump or a jungle gym.

So I yell.

I refuse to give up on you.

So I yell.

And no matter what the world says…

And no matter how badly I hate myself after.

I REFUSE TO QUIT YELLING.

 

 

Because I love you.

 

 

 

 

 

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9 Comments

    1. Thanks for reading and commenting. I read the article you shared and I actually agree with you! My intention while writing this post was not to promote yelling. I hate that I yell, I actually am trying really hard to stop. BUT… I do think there is a time and a place for it. Especially while parenting little children. I think as long as you balance it out with lots of love and lots of communication it can be really good for both parent and child. I honestly would love to hear your opinion about yelling. What experiences have you had with yelling and how have they effected you?

      1. Why do you think it’s really good for both parent and child to yell? It seems like you think that if you don’t yell then you can’t have consequences. Or that people who say not to yell want you to raise irresponsible, lying, cheating, disrespectful children. That’s not the case at all. Consequences are good. Teaching your children how to behave properly is good and can and should be done without yelling and without threatening physical harm.

  1. The bottom line is that yelling isn’t an effective parenting tool. Especially when you’re using it everyday. Its detrimental to your relationships and to your children but even more importantly it doesn’t work, it sets you up to only get results if you yell. Meaning when you’re yelling you might as well be sitting idly by because yelling is that ineffective and at least sitting idly by wouldn’t be as harmful.
    Everyone has their faults and no one is perfect so I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty. I’m a mom and I’m certainly bad at so many things but I know they are bad. Saying “I yell because I love you” is a justification.
    If trying to stop yelling hasn’t worked maybe it could help to look into other parenting tools that you could replace the yelling with?
    Being a parent to young kids doesn’t mean you can’t ever sleep or eat again. No one who is hungry and running no sleep is going to be at their best. Even though your sleepover nights are numbered, the days of feeling like a zombie could turn what could be quality time with your kids into a marathon you just have to get through. It’s worth missing out on some cuddles to have boundaries and ensure your children (who’s brains are growing and desperately need quality sleep) and yourself can get a good nights rest.
    Again I’m not saying any of this to create more guilt, just to bring a new perspective you may not have considered.

  2. These are my feelings exactly! I understand you aren’t promoting yelling, and I am putting in to practice other methods – however, I know that as mothers, we can be so passionate about caring for these blessings that we often resort to yelling. Thanks for sharing! It helps to let me know I’m not alone!

  3. I’m a Mom of three Littles from age 7 to 2 yrs and we recently lost their Dad to cancer. Yelling is something I’ve used as a control tool with all my children, but mostly I’m a very patient and calm Mother (so much so that my own Mom complimented me when she came to live with us for 6 months after my Husband passed away). My Son is two now and drives me bats almost every 15 minutes! I don’t think I yell at them because I love them – parents who spank often say that, too – but I yell when I’m faced with more trouble than I can smoothly handle. Girls wanted to ‘help’ me make bread today. Son started being fussy. I broke the glass that was on the chair, placed for my Son to drink water. 5 yr old wanted to know how to do something and she kept repeating the question without pause. Mommy lost it and yelled at everything, at everyone. Sometimes, for prime care-takers who do nothing but take care of the Littles, it gets to a point where yelling is like shouting out ‘help!!’ while drowning. We are humans and we lose it sometimes, but believe me when I tell you, I don’t yell because I love them; I yell because the issues get larger than my patience and my capacity to handle real life!

    1. Hi there! I love that you said yelling is like shouting for help! You hit the nail on the head. I totally agree! My husband was working three jobs when I wrote this article. I was very overwhelmed! I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband! Best of luck and lots and lots of love. xoxoxo Lou

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